As I look around at the current state of the mediation industry five things continue to annoy me.

1.    Professional mediators are trained in three different venues:  law schools, University based masters and PhD programs in dispute resolution, and 40-hour “Certification” programs offered by private providers.  Each group of students leaves training with different needs.  These needs are often unacknowledged and they remain unmet as  follow-up/future training is typically limited.

2.    There are limited employment opportunities for mediators and the majority of Mediators and Conflict Management Consultants are self employed.  So, training programs should (but most do not) include substantial marketing components.

3.    The “popular” training model – 40-hours of classroom training, followed by a short, on-site (often difficult to acquire) mentorship – was adopted in order to quickly train professionals coming into the profession with experience and knowledge from a related field.  This model has relegated mediation practice to a secondary position.  Re-positioning would require expanding and enhancing the training period and including a true practicum component that is supervised by a practitioner trained in mentoring.

4.    In today’s competitive marketplace branding is a critical component of any marketing plan.  This means that mediators (and other ADR professionals) need to have clear niche expertise.  So, basic training must be followed by advanced training in the niche area.

5.  In order to further the process of mediation and the profession of mediator we must have lobbyists that represent our concerns, on both the state and national levels, with legislatures and executive lawmakers.  And, we must have PR spokespeople who carry our message to the public.

My current mediation practice centers on my work with David Spofford at A Friendly Divorce. David and I use a unique co-mediation model that offers male-female balance, an awareness of both the legal and emotional issues of divorce, and an opportunity to save financial resources and heartache. At A Friendly Divorce, we also provide document preparation services in order to help the couples we work with obtain uncontested divorces.  Additionally, this fall, David and I will begin offering a variety of training opportunities to professionals who want to expand their practices to include pro-se/pre-suit divorce mediation.

As a Primary Trainer with Mediation Training Group, I have taught mediation nationally and internationally to over five thousand professionals. Please consider Mediation Training Group’s offerings if you want to become a Florida Supreme Court Certified Mediator, acquire mediation skills to enhance your professional or personal life, or experience Continuing Mediator Education that is both entertaining and rich in content.

I am interested in what you are thinking about your own personal and professional relationship dynamics and how I can help you create workplace agreements,  business partnership accords, dating contracts (also called pre-pre-nuptials), pre-nuptials, and marriage pacts.  Please accept this invitation to expand the dialogue – email me your questions and comments.

Our initial offering is a series of monthly group mentoring sessions in teleseminar format.  The first call is scheduled for Monday, June 21, 2010 at 8pm.  The charge for participation on this call is $37 and participation is limited.

Call or email us with your questions or click here to learn more about our program.

1. A genuine apology can be very powerful and go a long way towards repairing a relationship. Even if you don’t want reconciliation, an apology can bring closure and internal peace as well as reduce the possibility of negative repercussions in the future.

2. People in the wrong are often afraid to apologize; either because they believe that an apology will make them legally liable or open them up to blame and shame. However, we know that doctors who apologize to their patients for medical mistakes don’t get sued nearly as much as the ones who take a more arrogant attitude.

3. Many of the cases that end up in court – especially consumer and workplace cases – could easily be settled by someone making a decent/sincere and timely apology. The problem is – usually – both people think that they have been wronged. It’s often difficult to make an apology if you think that the apology should be made to you. Avoid this trap and base your actions on the big picture. Seek to see all of your disputes from the vantage point of the person on the other side.

4. People on the receiving end of the apology are often so grateful for the apology that almost anything works. You may simply apologize for the distress that the situation has caused both of you and your contribution to creating this distress.  Or, if it’s more appropriate you may want to say “I made a mistake and I am sorry. Hopefully, I will never do this again.”

5. Let the receiver know that it is not your intention to re-hash the situation – ALL you want to do is apologize. However, if you get a third person involved – someone to act as the mediator – you may be able to re-define the issues involved and see the initial conflict in a different light.

6.  There are 3 possible responses to any apology (a) the apology is accepted and the parties go forward with the goal of re-establishing their connection, (b) the receiver accepts the apology and the parties agree to disagree and move on – with their connection severed, or (c) the party who is receiving the apology is unable to receive it and that is the end. Even in this instance the giver of the apology can feel that s/he has done her part – “kept her side of the street clean.”

7.  A sincere apology is one that is made with (a) no expectations for how the other side will respond; (b) trust that if the bond between us is strong enough it will be re-established so long as we are both willing to be open and honest, and if not, not; and (c) knowledge that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime – and we dont usually know which or why.

An apology can be magical, cleansing, and healing. Who do you need to apologize to?

Click here to go to Ezinearticles.com and view Elinor Robin’s complete article

When a marriage is dead, divorce can bring about a life altering transformation that propels a man or woman (a) through an assessment process and (b) into a re-building phase that leads to a redesigned life, which is a more accurate reflection of the wo/man’s current desires and identity.

Recently I was asked “If your business was a MOVEMENT, what would that look like?”  Here is my answer:

A movement to change the way we view divorce.  Divorce is a family problem with a legal side effect.  The court system treats it like a legal problem with a family side effect.  My movement would be about the cease fire.  In my opinion, during divorce – most of the time – there is no need for the legal investigation and adversarial attitude that is necessary when one is engaged in a fight with a legal opponent (like an insurance company).  But, many lawyers don’t seem able to see the difference.

7 Tips For Parenting From Afar

Whether afar is across town or across the country these tips will help any parent who is not currently sleeping under the same roof as his or her children.

1.  Remember that your child is a digital native. On the other hand, depending on your age, you may be an immigrant to their digital world.  Use your child’s advanced knowledge of technology to keep you connected.  Set up web cams on your computer and your kids’ computers.  Use video mail, Skype, and YouTube to connect.  Use My-space, Facebook, and Twitter to stay in touch, as long as you can do so privately and safely.

2.  Watch TV together. Let your child know that you will be watching her favorite show and will be ready to talk about it.

3.  Keep up with schoolwork.  Give your child (and child’s teachers) pre-addressed, stamped manila envelopes so that it’s easy for them to send you updates, schoolwork, and other paperwork.  If you hear nothing be sure to initiate communications with teachers by telephone and email.

4.  Make audio and video recordings for your kids and encourage them to make them for you.  Nothing to say? Record yourself reading a book and mail the book and the recording to your child.

5.  Remember small events. Send cards, pictures and letters for Halloween, Valentine’s Day, The 4th of July, etc.  Remember large events, like birthdays and Christmas.  Find rituals (beyond the standard Christmas, etc) that you and your children can look forward to and celebrate each year.   If possible build these rituals around an event (for instance a sporting event or a trade show) that your Ex has no interest in.

6.  Make sure that your kids have cell phones with your number programmed in. Use text messages and photos to stay in touch throughout the day.

7.  If you have not done so already, call a truce with your Ex.  Note: Your Ex does not have to take the same action.  This is the place where you are going to set the good example.  Let your Ex know that from now on you are going to focus on finding solutions that work for him/her, your children, and yourself.  And, then make good on that promise, no matter what it takes.

1.  To create a pre-marital or pre-nuptial agreement, also known as a Marriage Charter.  A mediator can guide a couple’s negotiations so that they can evaluate their expectations, consider a wide variety of options, and make choices about how they want their marriage to look.

2. To create an estate plan.  Often, in both traditional and blended families, there is a lack of clarity regarding the path a family should take to distribute its resources.  A mediator can guide a family’s negotiations so that an estate plan, that takes into account each person’s wants and needs, can be created.

3.  To create a business partner’s agreement, also known as a Partnership Accord.  A mediator can guide the negotiations of potential business partners so that they can evaluate their expectations, consider a wide variety of options, and make choices about how they will operate their business.

4.  To create family agreements, also known as a Family Pact.  A mediator can guide the negotiations of family members seeking resolution with a wide variety of family issues such as curfews and budgets.

Contact me for more information about Preventative Mediation.